Beginnings & Ends

When I was in Missouri I broke the news of my moving to Grandma. More about that day later. I planned on that day’s story being my next entry, but “Emo Dogwood” is going to cover tonight’s photopost instead.

On the way home from my trip I was hit with the reality of May being “just around the corner.” Up to this point, the month of May has always been my last mental speed bump in the road to Ghana. It floored me when I realized how very, very fast this next month is going to pass by. It feels as if this is the end of my Peace Corps Beginning (Chapter one: In which I am interviewed); it is also the beginning of my United States-dwelling End (Chapter two: In which I discover the true weight of 80lbs).

…but mostly, I titled this entry “Beginnings & Ends,” and usurped Grandma’s Story with Emo Dogwood, because something happened this week that signified the end of something much bigger, and not in a good way. Not an ending I expected, and not one I can define easily. Someone crossed a line to cause irreversible hurt, and my relationship with them was such that they were one of the last from whom I ever expected such an assault. I was cut loose feeling hurt, angry, confused. Shell-shocked into an anaesthetic fog.

I realize that was cryptic (and living up to the Dogwood’s namesake), but by telling everyone I tell no-one, satisfying the craving and repelling dichotomy that is my soul simultaneously. I can spill to Whimsi and lose frustration without gaining guilt for overburdening another. I will now move on, and we will never speak of this again.

Isn’t self-referential whining fun?

Closeout Yardsale! This Saturday! Everything must go!*

*Statement not actually true.

I’ve started the process of (mentally) parting with pretty much everything I own. Not that there’s much of worth, but the accumulated detritus from living in random places for years and never really unpacking everything has added up. Because I really don’t know where I’ll be settling once I get back, in a perfect world I would want to get everything I leave stateside into super-portable proportions. My plan is to pack my 80 lbs (max) of Ghana-luggage, plus 1 or 2 crates to leave behind.

Items I will no longer own come June 6th:

• My car. The Phroge Xigua-mobile will be transfered to my mom (who needs a new car anyway).
• Assorted gadgetry (mp3 player, computer, old cameras, etc). I’m keeping my laptop, camera, & free Nano. Besides my desktop computer, there’s a crate-full of random parts, etc., that is getting given away/goodwill’d.
• Clothes. I’ll be rollin’ heavy up to Goodwill.
• Kitchen things. Ok, actually, I’m keeping most of this.
• Housewares. Furniture, appliances, curtains, bedding, that sort of thing. Most of which has been in storage since graduation anyway.
• Books. I’m boxing books in three ways: Ghana, give, keep. “Ghana” is the box of books I really love, but won’t mind losing or leaving. “Give” is the biggest box, and the one my family is salivating after. “Keep” are the irreplaceable few I would hate to lose. Includes first-editions and sentimentally-valued.

Things I’m keeping that won’t be in Ghana, not mentioned above: sewing machine, tent, one pair of boots I plan to own forever.

I didn’t realize I had accumulated so much stuff. I mean, I did realize to some extent. But pillows! I have them! Lots! And in a few months, I won’t anymore. It’s very strange. Every time I’ve moved in the past, my pillows and blankets have gone with me (no, not the SAME ones.). Realizing that these, too, must go, really drives home the fact that I am moving to Ghana. When I move back, I will essentially be starting over from scratch, and not just regarding the “stuff.” It’s freeing, exhilarating, and all kinds of scary. I love it.

Happy New Year

So here I am, in 2008. A few minutes ago I tried to check the archives for my first post of 2007 — and remembered that I accidentally deleted it when I forgot to backup the database. So much for a cute little where-I-was-12-months-ago retrospective.

At any rate… 2008. For the first time in, well, ever - I’m looking down the calendar at a year about which I know absolutely nothing. Gone is the monotony stability routine of going to school and getting paid semi-regularly. One or the other - or both - has been the sum total of my life for the better part of the last two decades. Now, suddenly, I have neither.

I’m looking forward to 2008. I am excited about 2008. I have no idea what the year is about to throw at me, yet I am actually optimistic about 2008.

This is gonna be good.